Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something
then you better do it DAMIT.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's BEEF you SON OF A BITCH.

Jack Bauer doesn’t eat or sleep as we do... He feeds on terrorist souls and excretes bullets.

My Wife wishes I was Jack Bauer... I wish She was Jack Bauer. :)

Every time you masturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because
you masturbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next
half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there's no life on Mars.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer

Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.

Coffee cannot start it's day without being drunk by Jack Bauer.

TRUE FACT...
On the film credits for, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,
Jack Bauer was the Best Boy.